telling friends

Write about the things you wish you had known when you were first diagnosed.

telling friends

Postby pj1 on Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:47 pm

Sometimes i really wish i have never told my best friend. She has read books and is suppportive, except sometimes i feel like she uses it against me. I know she doesnt mean to but she makes fun of us sometimes and doesnt know shes doing it. Ive told her many times and it doesnt seem to help. Plus she thinks im incapable of doing things. We take care of my 2 kids very well. And I pay all my bills and work as a nurse. I really regret telling her. Thanks
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Re: telling friends

Postby JigsawAnalogy on Wed Sep 09, 2009 3:07 pm

I'm sorry you have had such a bad experience with telling your friend. It's hard when someone you are close to does not react as you'd hope.

My friends and I often joke about the funny things that happen because I'm multiple, but it feels very accepting.

I have seen so many people talking about bad experiences of telling someone they are multiple, and I wish that I could figure out why my experience has been different. I've told most of the people I'm really close with (my partner, many of our close friends, and my in-laws), and they have all been fairly good about it. Perhaps it helps that my partner is exceptionally supportive, and she will back me up if someone starts getting mean.

A few of the people I've told were weird about things at first, but as they got more familiar with me being multiple over the years, either they stopped being weird, or we just didn't discuss it any more, and they kind of forget about it, which is fine with me.

I hope that eventually your friend is able to be more supportive for you.
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Re: telling friends

Postby Degas'PeopleInArt on Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:52 pm

It was brave of you to tell your friend, and hopefully she'll become more sensitive over time. I find that discussing a concern at the time it happens can make a big difference. I'm reminded of a quote by Emerson "To be fair is to be timely."

I'm not suggesting that you haven't responded to her hurtful joking in a timely way, but rather I'm remembering the way it was for me. In the past I was too fearful to confront someone with a concern, so I would wait too long to address it with them. I understand better now what I was really afraid of, so being timely now is easier and so much more successful.

I'm wondering what's going on for your friend that she doesn't get your requests and that she thinks you're incapable of doing things. I'm supportive of you taking healthy care of your kids.

My one experience with telling a friend was not dramatic, and she hasn't mentioned it again. Which, also, is fine with me.

I hope your friend values your friendship enough that she will hear your reasonable requests and also be willing to discuss her need to make hurtful jokes. As long as she is a safe person for you, keep letting her know how she can be more helpful to you.
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